I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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