Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
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