can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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