Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
