Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
whose ass print is on the piano?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
ok first of all what the fuck
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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