I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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