But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
