I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Randomize
