things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
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