tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
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