She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
