I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
