he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
