Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
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