Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I just forgot I was standing up.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
