it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
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