it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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