Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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