thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Randomize
