I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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