Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
