She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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