Non-Jews are for practice
honey bunches of taint.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
