I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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