Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
