I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
she was so not down for the gang bang
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
