And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize