look no pants
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
