i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
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