We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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