Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
