yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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