If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Randomize
