This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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