your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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