guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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