its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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