worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize