Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
