I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
