sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
