Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
She even gives head with a lisp.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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