just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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