I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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