Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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