Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
