I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
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