Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
