as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
