WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
where are you?
Hypothermia
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
