so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
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