apparently the secret to your success is patron
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
You are a genius and a whore.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
