Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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