i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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