He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
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