I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
