If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
