I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
