Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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