I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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