Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
