I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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