Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I feel like death gave me a hand job
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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