Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
