I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
