If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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