Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
