took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
