rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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