see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
