this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I wish I only lived at night.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
