Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
