im drinking this country out of the recession.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
