i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
